In Spite of Your Fear
by darknessfollows
Summary: A look into the interactions of the Hellsing vampires formed in a series of one shots. AxS. Plot lines are not in any specific order and are not necessarily related. Manga-based.
1. Acceptance

"Drink it."

"No."

"Drink it."

"No."

Seras Victoria and her master sized each other up, both wearing fierce and almost identical scowls. The argument had become a daily occurrence, and no matter how angry Alucard grew, Seras held to her decision not to drink blood.

"Police Girl, do you understand what will happen if you do not drink?"

"I'll become weaker..."

"Yes, and you will _die_."

She flinched at the word, turning her crystal gaze to the floor.

"You fear death, don't you?" Alucard asked quietly. "Why resist the call? Live if you wish to live. Take the blood."

"I... I can't..." she murmured, balling her fingers into fists. "It would be like living... without living. A half-life."

"There is no other choice before you. That half-life is your destiny, and if you do not accept it, you will not survive this world for long."

"And if I choose not to survive?" she asked in spite of herself.

The click of a gun made her look up, and she found herself peering down the barrel of Alucard's Jackal. "I can kill you right now," he prompted, "if that is your desire. This will be your second and final choice, Police Girl. Do you want to come with me?"

"Ma-Master...!" she stammered, eyes growing wide. "You w-wouldn't..."

"No, only you can make this decision," he said calmly. "It is one or the other. Either you are a vampire, or you are dust. I will no longer tolerate this behavior."

"But Master-!"

"Silence servant! Give me your answer!"

"Master, I can't!"

"Now, Police Girl!"

"Master..."

"Have you decided?"

Seras knew that there were crimson tears pouring down her cheeks as she rose from the chair. She kept her head down as she took a few steps toward him, and then knelt on the floor at his feet. She could feel his eyes piercing her, perhaps with curiosity, perhaps with distaste. She didn't care really. Right now, she didn't care what he thought of her.

Finally, summoning what courage she could, she jerked her head upwards and met his gaze. "I wish to remain with you, Master," she said solemnly.

"And you will drink when you are told?"

"Y-yes, Master," she agreed, her throat burning.

"Then do so. Drink the blood."

She rose, her entire body shaking, and picked up the clear plastic packet of blood lying on the table. She raised it to her lips, knowing that he was watching her, and extended her fangs. Their tips brushed against the plastic, hesitantly and almost teasingly, for a part of her wanted this as much as he did. The same part that couldn't say 'kill me'. The same part that lived only for him, only to please him.

And in the end, that was what she wanted more than anything, to see him look at her with something _other_ than disdain. She slowly sank her teeth into the cool dark liquid and quenched her roaring thirst.

A gloved hand rested on her shoulder, and lips brushed against her ear. "Well done, Seras Victoria."

As much as she hated to admit it, those words meant _so _much more to her than her humanity did.


	2. Distance

It wasn't the first time that Seras had considered her master handsome, and it certainly wasn't the first time that she had believed herself to be in love with him. But it _was_ the first time that she had ever considered him sexy.

She had never seen him so _informally_ dressed and immediately began to question the situation. Instinctively she looked away, her face turning a very dark red.

"Um, Master... if this is a bad time..." she stammered.

"Don't look so embarrassed, Police Girl," he interrupted. "I'm wearing pants."

_Thank God for that!_ she thought with mortification.

Alucard chuckled. "You're more naïve than most girls your age."

"I'm-!" she began, and then fell silent, her cheeks glowing.

"Was there something you needed, Police Girl?"

"Er... Walter wanted you to know he was looking for you."

"It seems to me... that the only times when you come to my room are when Walter sends you," Alucard observed passively.

Seras swallowed. "I-is that bad?"

"I'm hurt," he said in a cruel, teasing voice. He turned and walked toward the center of the room where his high backed chair stood waiting. He sat gracefully in it and reclined like a cat, wearing a smirk reminiscent of victory. "So, my little draculina," he said, beckoning her to him with a finger. "You have no desire to be near me unless you have to? You are more distant than my other fledglings were."

"That's not it, Master!" she said much too quickly, crossing the room. "I just didn't think you'd want me to bother you."

"If you were a bother, I would not have created you," he replied. "Admittedly, you are too stubborn and your progress is slow, but you are not a bother."

Seras felt an unfamiliar warmth wash through her. She took a few more steps towards him, smiling nervously. "Thank you, Master," she said softly.

He raised an eyebrow at the distance she continued to maintain from him. "Are you afraid of me, Police Girl?" he asked calmly.

"N-no, sir."

Alucard smirked. "I think you _are _afraid of me. Well, perhaps you have a reason to be."

Seras frowned and tensed indignantly. "I'm not afraid of you," she insisted.

"Really?" he asked coyly. "Then show me. Show me you are not afraid."

Seras inhaled deeply, wondering what he meant. Did he just want her to come closer? Hesitantly, she inched nearer to him, trying to keep her breath steady. "Like this, Master?" she asked, searching his face for any glimmer of disappointment.

"Yes," he approved, watching her steadily approaching form with something akin to curiosity.

She drew as close as she dared and then halted, awaiting further instruction.

"Still scared," he murmured. "I can't have that. Come here, fledgling. Show me that you are not afraid."

Seras obeyed, and walked until she was as close as she could be without bumping into him.

"That's better, isn't it, Police Girl?" he said tantalizingly. "And look. You're still alive."

"I said I wasn't afraid of you," she said once again, glowering at him.

"Then why do you avoid me?"

"I thought you wanted me to," she replied in a small voice. "I wouldn't want to upset my master..."

"Do I look upset?"

"...no, sir."

"Then...?" he said expectantly.

Seras was not entirely sure what he wanted her to say or do. The whole conversation came as entirely unexpected. Did he still want her to prove that she was not afraid? She was as close as she could get without touching him. Unless that was what he wanted... for her to touch him, to prove her affection and loyalty for him.

Seras shook her head. Surely her Master knew of her desperate devotion. Surely there was nothing to prove. He was merely toying with her; of that she was certain. Yet, if that was what he wanted, then how could she refuse him? He was, after all, her reason for living.

She knelt at his side and leaned into his leg, hoping to God that he would not grow angry. He did not, but instead gave her an approving stare. One of his hands reached to the top of her head, ruffling the already messy blond locks. His touch sent shivers down her spine, and, once again, she found herself keenly aware that he was not wearing a shirt.

All in all, his actions alarmed her. His behavior seemed unusual, out-of-character; far too affectionate to really be his. Generally, he treated her with indifference, but this was definite attention, and quite an excess of it!

"You ate tonight, didn't you, Police Girl?" he asked quietly, still running his fingers through her hair, though now in a stoking motion.

"Yes, sir..." she admitted.

"Good," he praised. "You feel stronger, don't you?"

"Yes," she said again.

"And you like the taste, don't you?"

"... yes." Seras was flushing again, this time with embarrassment. It was like he was gloating and shoving his triumph in her face.

"So now you just have to feed from the source," he stated. "And from me, of course."

"From you?!" she yelped.

"I told you before, did I not, Police Girl? My blood will set you free."

"But I don't-" she began, and then stopped, lowering her head. "Do you _wish_ for me to be free, Master?"

"Would I have offered you my blood otherwise?"

"Do you think I'm ready?"

"No. You're still weak."

"Then why did you offer it to me?" she asked, staring up at him with a puzzled expression.

"Because it will make you stronger. You are a vampire, but you act like a frightened kitten. Furthermore you trust me too much. You trust that I will always be there to protect you."

Seras swallowed slightly, taking his words into consideration. He _wanted_ her to be free. He was tired of the burden she put on him. Seras sighed. She really _was_ pathetic.

"Master, if you want it... I'll drink from you."

To her surprise, Alucard frowned. "Is that any way to treat a gift, Police Girl? Like it's a punishment?"

"That's not what I-" she began, but he cut her off.

"You will take my blood of your own choosing, not to please me, but to please yourself. This nobility of yours is without a doubt the most tiring thing about you. It is what holds you back. You are forever sacrificing yourself for those around you. Who can grow under such conditions?"

Seras restrained her angry retort, glaring at him. She got to her feet and hovered over him, trying to think how best to respond.

"My _nobility_ bothers you," she said in a low voice. "Does my servitude as well?"

"Your servitude is natural," he replied imperiously. "It will not vanish even if you drink of me."

"I don't understand what you want," she murmured, gazing at him through lowered lashes.

He smiled darkly. "Nor do you need to. What matters in this case is what _you_ want."

She shifted uncomfortably. "But I only want to please you, Master."

"I'm aware of that," he replied. "You are... still young. I will tolerate it for now."

"It's not going to change," she muttered doubtfully.

She heard a noise like a snarl, and suddenly she was up against a wall, his arms trapping her. She didn't struggle; she knew better than that.

"And what do you mean by that?" he inquired in a dangerously quiet voice.

"It won't vanish," she replied, trying to cease her quivering. "I won't stop trying to please you, no matter how much time goes by."

"You plan to remain my fledgling for eternity?" he asked coldly.

She swallowed and said, "Not necessarily your fledgling... just yours."

"Mine for eternity?" he repeated thoughtfully. A slow victorious grin spread across his face, and for a moment, Seras felt her confidence waver. He looked as though he'd just beaten her at something.

"...yes," she agreed uneasily, watching him carefully.

He chuckled with sick delight. "Very well, Police Girl. I'll hold you to that."


	3. Abandonment

Seras stared wide-eyed at the massive television screens, cracked and covered with dust as they were, watching as her master disappeared in a cloud of blood and shadows. She felt an unusual lurch in the pit of her stomach as the connection between them dissolved, and the world began to crash down around her.

Was this panic?

It must have been. Nothing else could compare to the nausea that hit her, or the way her soul felt like it was being ripped in two.

_He's not gone, _she told herself fiercely. _Alucard can't die! Nothing can kill him!_

But there was no ignoring the glaring lack of connection. She could not feel his presence. She could not sense his thoughts. He really was... gone. She did not cry. She couldn't. The shock of it was still too strong, and a part of her felt as though tears would be insufficient. It was not just her master, or just her lover who had died. It was her reason for living that had been poisoned and destroyed.

The emptiness roared in her ears. Her throat felt dry, her heart hollow.

"Master..." she whispered, unable to tear her quivering gaze from the place where he had stood just moments before. How could this have happened? He was so supposed to be invincible! How could he just leave her like that? Didn't he know that she needed him?

"Master!" she cried out again, and this time the tears came swiftly, flooding down her cheeks as harsh, painful sobs wracked at her body. Her legs shook, her shoulders shuddered. She felt as though she was breaking apart into a thousand pieces.

Her master... her dark savior... was dead.

Dead.

Dead.

Dead.

He wasn't coming back.

She was alone.

Some one would pay.

She would kill that stuffed pig of a Nazi, string his guts across England, and leave his head on a pike for the birds to devour! And she would make him suffer through his death. Slow and torturous, the way she was going to die without her master. She would make him feel what she felt! She would make him know what he had done to her, cry the way she wanted to, cry out for mercy when none would come.

And then maybe she'd kill herself, too.


End file.
